Post #4 – Life on the Whole30, Day 11

Dear Reader:

Today there were real glimmers of hope in an otherwise same-old-same-old day on the Whole30.  I’ve got to be honest: this Whole30 thing is getting old!  Today was day 11 and it feels as if each and every day crawls by at a snail’s pace.  It’s not like I’m ready to wave the white flag, throw up my hands and surrender, but this is really wearing on me.  While my experience remains basically the same as last week, there have been two major changes: one welcomed and one not so welcomed.

Before I started the Whole30, I read each and every bad thing listed (that I would supposedly go through the first two weeks) to my husband and asked for his patience in advance. I am happy to report that 95% of those issues have not been my issues. Thankfully, I have yet to suffer from mood swings (read “hanger”) or any of the other maladies listed in the book (head-aches, body-aches, feeling like I have a hang-over, etc.).

However, I have felt utterly and totally bowled over with exhaustion!  My energy levels, which are usually sky high, have barely gotten off the ground.  I haven’t really feel like myself at all.  It’s odd.

Until yesterday!

Most days since I started this I’d wake up, roll over and go back to sleep, snooze off and on for roughly an hour, maybe 90 mins, then drag myself out of  bed and stumble around as I got dressed for the day.  And by dressed, I mean putting on sweats or throwing a sweatshirt over my t-shirt and remaining in my flannel jams most of the day.  This is NOT normal for me.  Ok, sometimes I do live in sweats or yoga pants, but the not being able to wake up and stumbling around part is WAY out of character.  Plus, normally I tend to get things done every day.

I have struggled to feel motivated to do anything, be it get dressed, eat breakfast, go to yoga, run the vacuum, do the laundry, go to the grocery – – you get the picture.  NO MOTIVATION.  NO ENERGY.  NO DRIVE.   This is not the best situation for a happy state-of-mind.  It’s had me feeling rather down in the dumps.  One night I totally fell apart and cried like a baby because I haven’t had any real appetite and nothing has appealed to me. The word depressed has crossed my mind more than a few times.

Today, however, it was as if a light switch went off.  It was the second day I was able to wake up with relative ease.  I even got dressed in real clothes.  Like, I actually WANTED to get dressed in real clothes.  SCORE!!

Yesterday I completed most of my to-do list, which consisted of household chores such as cleaning the first floor, changing out winter linens for spring, and putting away all the Easter decorations I took down and gathered on the dining room table over a week ago and then promptly ignored.  The annoying thing is that while these chores might normally take me half a day, yesterday they took the ENTIRE day!  I must have sat down half a dozen times, if I sat down once, just to rest.  Some times for an hour.

Today was much better.  Still not getting up super early, but I woke easily and got ready for the day.  By 9AM I had made the bed, gotten dressed, done a few kitchen chores and was ready for a grocery run.  After returning with a bounty of delicious whole foods, my youngest and I put on an old Mary Chapin Carpenter CD, cranked up the volume, and did (what the millennials call) “meal prep”.  We had such a great time together!  All day I felt up-beat and eager to go.  I haven’t felt the need to rest.  Not once.

After a quick trip into the city, I finished up my tasks and made vegan salted chocolate chip cookies for No. 3 and gluten-free (also super low carb) pumpkin chocolate chip muffins for my guy – – all from scratch, which is the way I roll.  Sadly, I can have neither of those until May 2nd, but who’s counting?  Really.

I am so grateful for the energy I have felt these past two days.  It’s been like a ray of sunshine.  It’s hard to explain what it was like the previous nine days.  Feeling flat.  Absolutely no energy.  None what-so-ever.

To illustrate my point, Saturday I drove No.3 to Philly to attend an accepted students day event at one of the schools to which she applied.  We left at 5:45 AM.  I packed bananas, apples, nuts, and an RX bar, but I failed to pack anything else that was Whole30 approved thinking: “This is Philly.  Super hip.  Cutting edge.  Vegan restaurants.  They’ll have something easy for me to grab within the vicinity of the school.”  NOT!  I momentarily forgot that vegan does not = Whole30.  UGH!

The food offered for lunch at the school was carb-based – – not a big surprise.  The vegan restaurant down the street was also carb based and offered fake meat options, which are not allowed on the program because they are processed.  The only thing Whole30 approved on the menu were sweet potato fries.  The other options close by, outside of fast food, were two restaurants, each with a pricey menu and the inevitable wait for a table, wait to order, and wait for the food to arrive, etc.  I didn’t have time for that because we were on a schedule with the school program that day.

So, for the entire 24 hour period, I ate an order (and it was not a very big one) of sweet potato fries and two apples and one banana and one RX bar – – and more nuts than anyone should consume in one day.  (Plus my first almond milk latte from Starbucks, ending my coffee drought, which turned out to be the highlight of my entire week!)

The drive back should take roughly two hours and 15 mins, without much traffic.  We were less than an hour from home when I suddenly became so utterly tired I could not keep my eyes open.  It was scary.  Seriously.  Like a blanket of exhaustion covered me completely.  And No. 3 doesn’t have her driver’s license yet.  (Don’t ask.)  So I pulled over to shut my eyes for maybe 20 mins, and 90 minutes later I woke up in a fog of confusion and horror at the time! That, coupled with day after day after day of not being able to complete the most menial of tasks, had me like WTAF???????

BUT today was a good day, as was yesterday.  No fatigue/exhaustion.  Also, I’m feeling pretty upbeat!  Seems like I might be on the up-swing here.  Don’t want to jinx myself, but things could be looking up.

The other change, but not for the good, has been pretty persistent stomach issues.  This is my ONE AND ONLY low for yesterday and today.  It started Sunday, which I basically spent lying around on the couch with a heating pad on my belly.  I was not nauseated, but my belly ached severely all day and I felt like crude.  It has remained an issue ever since, but to varying degrees.  Kinda comes and goes and  right now it’s nothing I can’t handle, but it is annoying and sometimes slows me down a bit.  The book tells me this too shall pass, so I won’t let it get get the best of me.  Apparently, it is possible I have been consuming far more nuts than is advisable, so they are off my list for a while.

As I round the corner of my second full week on the Whole30, I am feeling my highs today well outweigh my lows.

  • I am back to feeling more like my old self.  I have motivation again for tasks, and not just my day-to-day tasks but projects.
  • I made it through the entire day today without once feeling as if I needed to sit on the couch and veg.
  • No.3 and I enjoyed some really nice quality time in the kitchen, which is not always, maybe even rarely, the case.
  • I enjoyed another almond milk latte, even experimenting on my own to make it at home as good as Starbucks does.
  • Today was the first day in a really really long time that it wasn’t cold, or even chilly.  And tomorrow and Saturday it’s going to be even warmer!  Such great news for this southern gal.

Here’s hoping all is well with you and, if you live anywhere north of Philly, that you are able to be out and about enjoying these first few days of real spring weather.  Please feel free to ping me with any questions, and if you have tried the Whole30, I would certainly love to hear about your experience.

Until next time…



POST #3 – The Whole30 and me

Dear Reader:

After starting this blog with all good intentions to keep it up and running, posting at least once a week, here I am 44 days after my last (and only second) post.  I am guessing the momentum has fallen by the way side.

Life can get in the way, but it is not how many times you fall down that counts; it is getting up and trying again!

Lots of stuff has been going on since I last posted, but I am not sure if I will reflect back on any of it.  As the days melted into weeks, I was nervous about writing another post after being off for so long, but keeping this blog up and running is important to me so here I am.

What’s new, you ask?

Today is my third day on the Whole30.  My middle one did it about two months ago and has been raving about the positive effects – even now, four weeks after completion.

She didn’t do it to lose weight; she’s a former NCAA Div I athlete and continues to live a healthy lifestyle.  She has always been super careful about her diet and exercise.  She did the Whole30 because, while she doesn’t eat a ton of sweets, she had been wondering about food intolerances (such as dairy) and she liked the whole idea of “resetting”, taking away the extra stuff – – no matter how infrequently she consumed it – – and seeing where she ended up after 30 days.  Would she notice a difference in her energy?  Her skin?  Her sleep?  Her digestion?  Food intolerances?

The answer was a resounding yes.  Well, her skin wasn’t an issue, but she has noticed her energy staying constant and her focus, which has always been pretty good, remaining sharp throughout the day.  She no longer experiences stomach aches after consuming dairy because it was on the “no” list.  She reintroduced a few foods she loves, such as chick peas and rice, and hasn’t noticed any bad reaction so those went back on her food list.  Leading up to Easter and over the weekend, she indulged in sweets and realized that effected her energy, so things like sugar and dairy are out save for special occasions.  And she won’t be eating bread or pasta any time soon either.  She doesn’t miss them so she hasn’t reintroduced them.

Why did I decide to give it a try?  I tend to eat a diet heavy on fresh vegetables with lean protein as a compliment.  Pasta is reserved for those evenings when I am in a bind to get dinner on the table fast.  It is also a favorite comfort food for me, especially with pesto, but it is not a weekly indulgence.  I like bread, but I don’t consume it regularly, although I did eat these amazing multigrain flatbread crackers while visiting my mother for five days last month.  Every.  Single.  Night.  And toast is my go-to whenever I feel yucky, but my general diet is not a concern.

My real problem is sugar.

For a long while now I have felt I might be addicted to it.  It’s not like I eat a lot of junk food and sweets, and certainly not every day, BUT I do have a special way of making my coffee that includes sugar and dairy – – I start with hot skim milk, roughly half of the mug, then add a heaping spoon of sugar, and top it off with strongly brewed coffee.  You should know that I used to take two heaping spoonfuls of sugar, but in recent months I lowered that to just one.  However, that one is still heaping!  Wile I may not have more than one mug in the morning, I definitely have a second mug in the afternoon, say around 2pm.  Some days, I admit, I consume three or four mugs of this deliciously wonderful concoction.  The other problem for me is that it’s all wrapped up in the ritual.

I am a highly ritualistic person.  I thrive on it.  Rituals of sight, touch, taste, and smell, even sound.  I am highly attuned to my senses and they kinda run my life.  I do best when I can follow through with the way I prepare my coffee, make my salads, set the table, make the beds, organize my belongings, even the route I took on my daily jogs  with my dog when I lived in New England – – you get the picture.  Now that I write it all down, I sound like a freak! Anyone else out there like me?

At any rate, worried about the long term effects of so much sugar on my health, I decided I needed to try to cure my sugar addiction.  Now, I realize addicts have to give up their addiction for life, but, seeing as my love of coffee is tied up in the way I prepare it, when this is all over I  hope I will find a way to enjoy coffee again.  Sans sugar.  I know – – milk contains sugar.  That is something else I am contemplating over the remaining 27 days, since dairy is also out of the picture.  UGH!

Day three and what I am really noticing is the absence of my morning and afternoon ritual: taking the long-handled, two tablespoon measurer out of the vintage, cut glass, handle-less sugar bowl (given to me years ago by my aunt to corral my collection, which she helped start, of antique and vintage silver teaspoons); measuring out two scoops of beans and one heaping teaspoon of unsweetened cocoa; the sound of the beans as I grind them; the smell of the coffee, tinged with cocoa, brewing; the act of measuring out the milk in my pyrex measuring cup (the one I use ONLY for heating milk); the ding alerting me to both coffee and milk being ready to pour into any one of my special mugs (Yes, I have a collection; are you surprised?  Each one actually means something to me.  Right now I am favoring my millennial pink, short, squat mug that makes me smile because it reads “hello gorgeous”); milk first, then comes the sugar, followed by coffee and topped off with cinnamon.  I pause briefly, both hands wrapped around the mug, as I bring it towards my face.  The warmth transfers from the mug to my hands, which always run cold.  The aroma wafts up, around my head and inside my nasal cavity.  Gosh, I genuinely love that moment.  I take my first sip leaning back against the counter.  Often I will say, to no one in particular, “Wow, now that’s a cup of coffee!”  Then I move to the kitchen table or living room couch or back deck to fully enjoy every single sip.

This time is for me, usually, and mostly I simply sit and enjoy the mountains beyond the back of our house in NEPA or the view from the living room couch into the dining room or the woods behind our Maine cottage or the flames flickering in our gas stove up there.  Sometimes I read an article or three.  Often music is playing; sometimes NPR news on our little kitchen radio.  And there are days when I barely get it made before I have to run out to take my youngest to class, so the coffee is enjoyed in the car with country music playing on the radio and the passenger seat occupied.

Before I started this journey, I tried several different ways to prepare my coffee  – – with almond or coconut milk and vanilla extract – – but nothing tasted good enough to warrant me taking the time and energy to put it together.  I may change my mind after another few days, but I decided to go without coffee altogether!

I don’t seem to have an issue with caffeine.  It rarely, if ever, keeps me awake at night.  On mornings when I rise feeling sluggish and tired, I don’t think it is the caffeine that gets me up and going.  Honestly, I believe it’s the sugar.  Sadly, I think I kinda run on it.

So, on this third day of the Whole30, it seems my main complaint is missing out on my morning and afternoon coffee ritual.

Have you heard of the Whole30?  Tried it?  If so, what was your experience?

Time to get ready for my Wednesday early evening slow flow/restorative yoga class.  I had worried my yoga practice would be effected this first week on the Whole30, but yesterday morning’s class was definitely one of the best I have experienced since moving to NEPA.  While I was a bit tired and sluggish, I found I was able to rise to the occasion and put in a really positive effort.  Interested to see if tonight is the same.

Until next time, which I hope won’t be too long…..


Post #2 – Getting started and other thoughts

Dear Reader –

I thought I would have something for you before the weekend ended, but I couldn’t seem to find a way to close out the piece I have been tinkering with recently.  UGH!

Last week I decided my first real post should be about something that has been occupying my mind for a couple of years now.  I spent a lot of time thinking about how I would approach this topic, and yesterday while my husband was napping, I started to put ideas onto paper.  But for the life of me I could not corral it.  When I started, it seemed like it would be focused and easy enough to write.  I mean, I have been living with this for more than a year, so how hard could it be?  Today I worked on it again and tried over and over to pull it together, to make it shorter, easier to digest.  Finally, I had to put it aside, admit defeat for now, and start on something else.

I did some research before attempting to start my blog.  I wanted to make sure I knew the right and wrong way to go about this.  You know – – make sure I set myself up for success and all.  Basically, while I learned there is no real “right or wrong way”, the general consensus seems to be that concise is best until your readership has made the commitment to stay the course with you.

Since this is only the beginning, I think it is fair to say a commitment has not yet been made.  I am laughing at myself as I write this.  I mean, how many people are really reading my blog so far?  I have only made one post, and it wasn’t what I would call a real post any way.  It was merely an “About Me”, an introduction of sorts.  Who knows how many of those first readers will come back to see what I have to say today.  And after that, the question remains – – will they continue to return?

With that in mind, I will strive to keep my posts under control for now.

I will start with my “low”.  It was cold and wet today.  I have no patience for cold, wet days, especially in mid to late February.  I always get homesick this time of year.  My birthday is this month and when I was growing up, the weather in February was always nice.  It wasn’t hot, but it certainly wasn’t cold either.  There were a few years when it might have been in the high 50’s, but mostly I remember bright, clear, sunny days where the most you would need was a sweater or a light jacket when you set out in the morning.  But not here and not today.  Today was all about boots and gloves and warm coats.  And umbrellas.  One of the things I miss the most about the deep south is spring. Just about this time each year, the first signs of life to announce its arrival are the early bulbs and flowering  trees/shrubs, and the hordes of birds singing as the sun rises.  Some days could be windy and kinda of crazy, but cold and wet they definitely were not!

In spite of the dreary weather, I managed to have a pretty good day.

I decided not to give anything up for Lent this year.  The moment I say I will give up something is the moment I am sure to crave it so badly you would think I had an addiction.  Over my lifetime I have had a few Lenten successes, but I was not feeling confident enough in myself to take that challenge this year.  Instead, I decided to add something to my life.   It’s part of this burning question with which I have been struggling – “purpose”.  Specifically mine.

I am struggling with the concept.  Truth be told, it started taking up more and more real estate upstairs not too long after I hit the big 5-0.  A lot has changed for me since that birthday, but I digress.  I will eventually address that in another, most likely much longer, post.

Back to Lent.  I started reading a daily devotional of sorts.  I wondered if I would grow weary of such intense religious thought, day in and day out, for 40 long days.  So, in typical fashion when I fear failure, I made the commitment with some trepidation at the very last possible moment, which was the beginning of Lent on Ash Wednesday.  So far so good, I am happy to report.  I won’t bore you with details of the readings or my thoughts on them just yet.  This is not meant to be a religious blog in any way.  It is meant to be a blog about life in general, mine in particular.  Of course, religion and spirituality are a part of my life, for better or worse, so I suppose from time to time the subject might come up in more detail.

For this past week, I have found I am more focused on the positive and less obsessed with the negative.  There was one day when I didn’t get going early enough, so I felt I couldn’t take the time to read, reflect and pray.  In the evening, I realized I had grown more and more grouchy as the day progressed and thus ended my day feeling resentful.  If nothing else, this daily quiet time has helped me to focus of what is good in this world and in my life.  That is always a plus.

Another “high” today was the unexpected gift of a charge-free visit from my new plumber.  Our dishwasher is not yet two years old, and my husband, who was living alone for a number of years until we married last May, had not used the brand new dishwasher until I moved here in June.  Since then, we have made a habit of using it at least three times a week.  Long story short, after Christmas I noticed it smelled musty; then I realized it was not properly draining.  My handyman suggested I call a plumber, which I did.  He came, figured out the issue (not really a big one), and was out in less than half an hour.  He refused to charge me, and now we are friends for life!

On that high note, I will say good night and sign off.  I will continue to work on my epic post, trying to whittle it down to a more manageable length.  Purpose is weighing heavily on me, as I think it does on many women my age, and I want to talk about it here, but I fear it is a hard subject to keep short and simple.  Wish me luck.

Until next time…



Post #1 – About me: A New Start

Greetings and salutations!

My name is Elinor May.  This is not my first time at the rodeo.  I have tried my hand at blogging in the past more than once, but, as they say, apparently the timing was never right.  This past year has brought some important changes to my life, and now it would appear all the stars are aligned for me to give this the old college try.  I am nervous, but very excited!  Before we get started, here are a few FAM (facts about moi):

  • This month I turn 55.
  • I was born and raised in a small town in the deep south.
  • I was educated in the northeast.
  • I am my father’s daughter.
  • I am the youngest of five – – but also an only child.
  • Besides my home state, well below the Mason Dixon Line, I have lived in five states since 1980: New York, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Virginia, (New York again), (Massachusetts again), and Pennsylvania.
  • I have been married and divorced.
  • I have (also) been (re)married and widowed.
  • I raised three daughters, mostly on my own.
  • They are my greatest accomplishment.
  • After eight years on my own, I took the plunge (again) – – this past May I said “I do” for the third time – – so I am, in essence, a newlywed (again).  Ain’t love grand?

Continue reading “Post #1 – About me: A New Start”